How can some people be so close yet feel so far away? It makes my heart ache wanting to be closer to them. How do you get closer when you feel a wall blocking you out and you don't even know why? How long do you try before you just give up and let them take steps on their own? Do you confront them on it, or sit there and pretend like nothing is wrong even though you feel like your heart is breaking? Somedays I feel like washing my hands of it all, giving up and feeling saddened. Other days I want to put up my own wall to keep my heart from feeling broken, I want to form a grudge in self defense. Yet still other days I feel like throwing up my arms and screaming, "What in the hell did I do?" Just to see if maybe I'll get an answer.
I'll say I give up trying to please everyone, but in truth, that is my nature. I say it's time to focus on myself, my husband, and my little ones but I still worry about those I care about. In the back of my head, when things are quiet, I still wonder if I did something, or if I could do something to make it ALL, EVERYTHING, alright. If I could say one thing to please everyone. If I could somehow bring it all together and fix what is broken.
Who knows, maybe it's all in my head. Maybe it isn't broken but will never be what I think it could be. Maybe I just have too high of expectations. The Utopia I create in my head can't be a reality. Is it bad to wish with all your heart that things could just be perfect and good for once?
Guess it leaves your heart open to being broke frequently. It's okay though, I'll fix it right?
